Guest Post by Kass the Clueless Gardener (Apologies from Susan for posting this a tad late.)
Hmmmmm. Every August, just like a patient with her psychiatrist away at Truro, I start brooding.
I stare balefully at the flowerbed, wondering why I haven't cut down the iris stalks yet, even as the seed pods grow larger, sucking more energy from the plant every moment. I notice the swarm of red ants that have taken up residence here, wondering if they bite, and not caring much. I see the Japanese beetles, having no roses to eat here, chomping on my climbing petunia. Why don't I go get a container of soapy water and get those guys? Instead I just stare at them. My felcos are so dull they won't slice a daisy stem, yet...am I sharpening them...? No.
I realize I've let the back field almost completely revert to forest mode, which I didn't want, but now there are too many saplings and huge wild roses, and it's too late for anything but a major renovation. So that's out. Rather than get out there and attack the flower bed with gusto, I take a nap and wait until the bed is in shade til I mosy on out there. I do nothing more ambitious than weed the moss. I find a white slimy mold on some of the moss that is grosser than anything, even slug slime.
But it all makes sense in August, when All Things In the Garden Go South. I can grasp that once peony poppy and iris season passes, I become listless...I am concluding, as I do every year about this time, that I am not a real gardener. Wouldn't I have kept my precious weeping pear pruned if I were? Wouldn't I care that deer eat the leaves off every year? What do I do about it? Is my tough love policy really just neglect?
If I were a real gardener, wouldn't I have kept the lilacs clear of the imposing weeds, which now includes poison ivy? Would I have stood by and watched goldenrod take over the tigerlily bed (at least I hope it's goldenrod, and not something worse)? Wouldn't I keep the weeds out of the cracks? Wouldn't I be dying to plant all sorts of new plants found in out-of-the-way garden centers or catalogs? Would I really have a flowerbed filled with only the easiest plants to grow, those that really don't mind total abandonment? Wouldn't I have a gorgeous climbing rose around my door? And, every time I get up from a crouch, the pain in my back reminds me not only am I not much of a gardener, I'm also getting creakier every season. If I were a real gardener, wouldn't I have tons of containers adorning my deck? (I used to, but this year there is only one, and that one doesn't look too hot, either.)
I had a dead tree taken down two years ago, and have let all weeds fill in the space. It looks horrible, but I follow my main gardening motto: "If it looks bad, direct your attention elsewhere." I think that instead of modeling my gardening self on V. Sackville-West, I am channeling the Beales of Grey Gardens. All the seedlings I started last spring went south, and the hastily-bought substitute nicotiana alatas just aren't the same, so I don't care much for them. The doldrums go on and on. And yet....and yet....and yet....
Just in time to save me from the noose is Joe Pye, the weed I love most. I scan the roadsides and fields for it, and squeal with delight upon spotting it. I tromped through (doubtless, tick-laden) weeds to cut three stalks to bring home, and all is saved. With mood cheered, I get down to weeding that moss, and ignore the shooting pains in my lower back. As I pull out the intruders, earthworms literally pop out of the moss, and take off for a safer spot. I always say hello to them, and then if I glance away for even a split second, they disappear. Who knew wormies could travel so fast?! The rudbeckias are glorious this year, and the globe thistles did well, too. Is it that I was so lazy that instead of fertilizing the garden, I just threw a mulch of manure atop? This must be the silver lining to neglect, I guess.
I'm still waiting for the 'Heavenly Blues' to bloom; what's taking them so long? But having them still in store is like a good mood in the bank, so necessary during the month when I am becalmed in the garden. Maybe that wisp of sweet autumn clematis will bloom if the yard guy didn't completely kill it with his weed whacker...I decide to hope for that, too. And the anemones are coming on, too. So maybe things aren't so bad. The humidity's been low, something to be truly grateful for. That's a real upper in the dog days. Hmm...I begin to feel strangely better now...There, doc, I just did all my own horticultural therapy, so who needs you? August!
Yep! Nothing is so important that it can't be ignored so as to watch Butterflies, Hummers, and flowers bending in the breeze!
Posted by: Bob Vaiden | September 01, 2009 at 06:50 AM
I run out of steam at this timeof year as well. I flag when it comes to tidying up after the early summer flowering and only start to find some enthusiasm when it comes to choosing bulbs for spring
Posted by: Helen | September 01, 2009 at 06:56 AM
I agree with Helen. For me, August is the monthe that I am just not interested. I do not know if it is the heat, or I am just tired, but a lot slides then. However, I perk up when bulb planting in the fall, and it is always a good time to move plants, make new beds. Then, I am really glad when winter comes. I can doze in front of the fire, with my catalogues, happy my plants are all tucked in under their fluffy duvet of snow. And I dream of spring.
Posted by: Deborah at Kilbourne Grove | September 01, 2009 at 07:18 AM
You are my brand of gardener. If Martha Stewart ever visited my patch, I would hope she would see June's potential and not August's overgrown mess. Fortunately September is here, lower humidity and hope for the fall growing season. In Florida we rarely get to the dozing in front of the fire stage but that's ok too.
Posted by: Glenna | September 01, 2009 at 07:40 AM
oH BOY-- where do I start? This is nature's way of preparing us. Things sprout, they grow, they flower-- they die. Wah! If I were a lion in the veldt I might break into "The Circle of Life." Clueless, you are channeling the Great Inevitable, which is better than trying to push against it-- a battle you would lose!
Posted by: report from the heartland | September 01, 2009 at 08:34 AM
Wow, did I need this. On-line gardening therapy at its best!
Clueless Gardener, I owe you $125.
Posted by: Tracey | September 01, 2009 at 09:00 AM
oh, the sweet sentiments of the late summer gardener! I have the identical thoughts. You put it all perfectly! Thanks for the therapy!
Posted by: Lorraine Rose | September 01, 2009 at 09:15 AM
What is a real gardener anyway?
One who constantly is at work, or one who loves a garden and piddles around enjoyably, and loves all the little worm(ies) and weed (ies)
and petals and leaves and blossoms. You sound like the real kind of gardener to me. Not clueless at all, really.
Posted by: joel kaplan | September 01, 2009 at 09:20 AM
Kass, you captured my own gardening behavior so well! Last weekend I did some weeding and then flopped in the hammock to look at the different beds and begin the planning for next spring. It was lovely to just lie back and drift.
Posted by: Jane | September 01, 2009 at 09:27 AM
I guess you spoke for many of us - me included. August is a tough month, but really, aren't the grandchildren and the Heath Fair more important. Talk about directing one's attention elsewhere. It's done! September is a whole different thing.
Posted by: commonweeder | September 01, 2009 at 09:35 AM
hi kass; can i relate and now i am so glad that in this very lazy month of august, i have found others just like me...before i would look at all the over growth and weeds that have crowded so many of our beautiful flowers and plants, but now i just look at the late beauty of the garden after a gorgeous display this summer..and think about next spring and how i get to start all over..
Posted by: julie | September 01, 2009 at 10:55 AM
Kass is an excellent gardening writer! I hope to see more of her work publicized. I happen to know that she is an excellent cartoonist as well; she illustrates the "Imponderables" book series. Check 'em out!
Posted by: Amy Rose | September 01, 2009 at 11:42 AM
Ha! That is me all over, except that the apathy usually sets in even earlier in the summer. I've always blamed it on my lassitude in hot weather. But this year I've had to face the truth: The Michigan summer has been lovely and cool, and I STILL haven't done any of those small tasks of which you speak so eloquently. So it's just me, a lazy--yet appreciative!--semi-gardener. And it's okay. Thanks for the therapy!
Posted by: Pat | September 01, 2009 at 12:23 PM
Kass, you described the August gardener exactly! Made me feel much much better about myself.
I have a love/hate relationship with my garden sometimes, but in August it turns to hate/hate. They say that humans remember pleasure but not pain, but when it comes to August I remember only sweat and bugs. But -- this morning it was 60 degrees and unhumid, and I bought a beautiful "Limelight" hydrangea at Home Depot at a bargain price, and it's time to choose bulbs for the reclamation area, so heighho for the autumn season.
Posted by: Rosella | September 01, 2009 at 12:42 PM
Hmmm, now that August is over, why not look for inspiration in September?
http://www.finegardening.com/item/11321/september-inspiration
H.
Posted by: Helen @ Gardening With Confidence | September 01, 2009 at 12:52 PM
My sentiments exactly. My August gardening can be summed up as a lot of "just don't look too closely and things don't looks so bad."
This week, the weather has turned cooler and already I am starting to think about what shrubs to plant this autumn. What a difference a change in weather can make!
Posted by: Two Green Acres | September 01, 2009 at 12:56 PM
The Clueless Gardener is my new favorite therapist! Please tell us that you'll be back for the winter woes and the bulb blues and the Spring showers. You're a treat, Kas
Posted by: gigi sloss | September 01, 2009 at 01:14 PM
The bees polinated the heck out of my apple trees. Now I have apples. I've spent the past two weeks trying to figure out how to get the apples out of the trees. They're tall. We never really pruned them effectively. And until we got the bees, the one only fruited every other year or so. One year, a tropical storm completely de-fruited the tree. Alas, no tropical force winds can save me. This weekend's task is trying to figure out how to pick apples from a too-tall tree.
Posted by: suzq | September 01, 2009 at 01:37 PM
I loved reading Guest Post by Kass the Clueless Gardener. What a delight. Hope I see more of her comments in the future!!
Posted by: Linda Finkel-Talvadkar | September 01, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Love the Beales of Grey Gardens reference. Clearly they had the right idea.
Posted by: Judy in Oberlin | September 01, 2009 at 04:27 PM
Kass, that was so entertaining. I need further therapy because my laziness began sometime in mid-June. Thanks for letting me know I need to cut down the Iris stalks (truly clueless) ... if the mosquitoes let up, I might actually go out and do that!
Posted by: Sonia Feldman | September 01, 2009 at 06:04 PM
It is a wonderful treat all through the year to read about Kassie's garden and thoughts and flowers and weeds and insects and highs and lows of garden energy.
The cartoons are perfect.
Posted by: Jean Rose | September 01, 2009 at 06:05 PM
Your writing is dog-day-delightfully dreamy, Kass. You've made me feel like I have a kindred spirit who knows all too well what it's like to feel the inner lament of "If I were a real gardener" or "if I were a real writer...."
Can't wait to savor more of your pretty penned ponderings.
Posted by: Susan Arritt | September 01, 2009 at 08:08 PM
Thank you Kass, for this wonderful reflection!
August is the time of year when I find that it's so much more interesting to watch the Monarchs at the milkweed, the hummingbirds fighting over the trumpet honeysuckle, the Goldfinches picking the seeds from the Helianthus, and the Tiger Swallowtails floating lazily through the air.
This activity is much better than TV, and also much better than disturbing this activity with gardening chores. Those can all come later.....
Posted by: Carole | September 01, 2009 at 08:43 PM
Its been so hot here in central Florida that pretty much all I’ve been able to do is go outside take a look around and head back inside..I have taken to gardening in the rain to avoid the heat. I love to just watch how the bee’s (and I mean some pretty big ones) like to move from flower to flower on my Caryopteris, Dark Knight…
Been feeling the call of the lounger to... Have a great Day Kass.
Posted by: Jo Ann | September 02, 2009 at 04:11 AM