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The Atlanta Botanical Garden asked me to do a Tool lecture. WTF, why did I say yes?

In my dictionary:
1st description of Tool - weapon.
2nd description of Tool - PENIS.

That's something to work with !

Did you know you NEED 2 sets of tools?

Ha, the Tool lecture entered my Dog/Pony show.

Garden & Be Well, XO Tara

Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the spade who came to stay?
It's the kind of spade you want so much
It makes you sorry
Still you don't regret a single day.
Ah spade

When I think of all the times I've tried so hard to leave it
It will turn to me and start to cry;
And it promises the earth to me
And I believe it
After all this time I don't know why
Ah spade

It's the kind of spade who puts you down
When friends are there, you feel a tool.
When you say it's looking good
It acts as if it's understood.
It's cool, ooh, ooh, ooh,

Was it told when it was young that pain
Would lead to pleasure?
Did it understand it when they said
That a man must break his back to earn
His day of leisure?
Will it still believe it when I'm dead?
Ah spade

Pretty lame, but it's only 8am and I haven't had my first cup of tea yet.

Don't enter me. This is just for fun:

The weeds are threatnin’/My very bed today
If I don’t do some weedin’/My gardens gonna fade away
Tools, children/ They’re just a post away/ Just a post away

(I could do more, but I have to get to work)

Things I could do with a Clarington Forge spade:

Fixing a Hole
pick up after Martha My Dear
plant Norwegian Wood
Dig a Pony
Dig It
impress the Boys
chase Rocky Raccoon
Carry That Weight
Follow the Sun
beat back Maxwell's Silver Hammer
create an Octopus' Garden
have Stawberry Fields Forever
grow a Glass Onion
start a Revolution
Give Peace a Chance!

What will I be with out the spade?
Crying, Waiting, Hoping
in Misery
The Fool on the Hill

Don't Let Me Down!

I've had a set of English tools for so long I can't remember when I got them. A stainless steel shovel head and spading fork.
They are an investment of a lifetime and it is amazing the emotional attachment that is established between a good gardening tool and the gardener.
I hope that someone who has some crappy made in China tools gets a chance to use and bond with a handcrafted piece of artistry.

The narrow spade that you held up looks to me to be a irrigation trenching spade , which can also be good for planting certain types of bulbs.

Good luck to some lucky gardener. You'll have a fantastic tool that will be with you for life.

I love them, too!

Oh, I have another one!

I ain't got no
Soil compaction
Cause I mulch, and I mulch, and I mulch

(OK. I will stop)

Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.
Lots of people talk and few of them know,
soul of a woman was created below.

You hurt and abuse tellin' all of your lies.
Run around sweet baby, Lord how they hypnotize.
Sweet little baby, I don't know where you've been.
Gonna love you baby, here I come again.

Every day I work so hard, bringin' home my hard earned pay
[From: ]
Try to love you baby, but you push me away.
Don't know where you're goin', only know just where you've been,
Sweet little baby, I want you again.

Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.
Take it easy baby, let them say what they will.
Will your tongue wag so much when I send you the bill?

I'm not content to be with you in the daytime
Spade, I want to be with you all of the time
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Spade, I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night (repeat)

I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yeah, dig all day and nighttime too, leave me never
The only time I feel alright is by your side
Spade, I want to be with you all of the time
All day and all of the night (repeat)

Set to the tune of "Gloria" by Them:

D I G G I N, diggin!
D I G G I N, diggin!
I'm gonna shovel it all night, diggin!
I'm gonna shovel it every day, diggin!
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!

Ever since I was a young boy,
I've played the silver spade.
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have played and played.
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any garden shade
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean mean spade !

This is too perfect. For all you Motorhead fans out there...

The pleasure is to dig,
It makes no difference what you grow
I don't share your weeds,
The only tool I need is
The rabbiting spade
The rabbiting spade.

(Handy reference for the uninitiated.)

Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus

Reach out and touch dirt
Your own powerful shovel
Something to move your iris
Something that works
Your own powerful shovel
Something to slice through clay
Something f**king today

Feeling’s familiar and you’re all alone
No one to help or to hear your bones
Claw through the soil
It’ll make your blood boil

Damn that dirt
This garden’s a flirt
It’s too hot
You should’ve grown pot
Make the work trippy
It could deliver
Reach out and touch dirt.

Your own powerful shovel.
Make the work trippy
It could deliver
Make you a believer.
Reach out and touch dirt.

On watching these videos i think gardening is your hobby. Am i right?

Sung to the tune of ‘Friggin’ in the Riggin’ by the Sex Pistols

Gotcha in my right hand
a cold one in my left
We’ll spend the day amongst the weeds
We’ll probably break a sweat

Diggin’ in the garden
Diggin’ in the garden
Diggin’ in the garden
It’s my favorite thing to do!

I’ll shovel on the compost
I’ll shovel all the snow
I’m just as handy with a rake
and you should see me with a hoe

He wants one, yeah yeah yeah.
He wants one, yeah yeah yeah.
He wants one, yeah yeah yeah yeeeaaaaah.

Hey, Spade...
I've got a hoe.
It'd like to meet you...
behind the shed...

Yes, I have dozens of hoes (from the U.S., England, Holland, China...) but not nearly enough spades.

There are spades that I remember
All my life though some are lame
Some forever, not for better
Spades have gone and some remain

All these spades have their moments
With clay and loam I still can recall
Some are dull and some are rusted
In my life I've used them all

I'll bet that rubber rake would work really well for removing leaves from ground covers.

All my gardening seemed so far away
Now it looks as though its here to spay
Oh, I believe in spades today
Suddenly, I not half the girl I used to be
There a rain cloud hanging over me
I should have started digging yesterday
But with no spade
The rain came, suddenly
Why'd you have to break
I don't know, You didn't say (because you can't talk)
I bent something wrong
Now I long for a new spade
That's the brand I hear is best
Amy and Gen put it to the test
Now I believe in Clarington

(The Who-Talkin' 'Bout My Generation) Yes I'm Old - Deal with it!

Who put my old spade away?
I just can't dig a bed today.
Not tryin' to cause a big s-s-sensation
Just tallkin' 'bout my enervation......

I guess I'll have a go at it.

Sung to the tune of "Twist and Shout"

Well, dig it up, baby, now (dig it up, baby)
Yank and pull (yank and pull)
Cmon cmon cmon cmon baby now. (come on baby)
Come on and dig it on out. (dig it on out)

Well, rip it on out, honey. (rip it on out)
You know you look so good. (look so good)

You know you got me sweatin, now (got me sweatin)
Just like I knew you would. (like I knew you would, oooh!)

Well, dig it up, baby, now (dig it up, baby)
Yank and pull (yank and pull)
Cmon cmon cmon cmon baby now. (come on baby)
Come on and dig it on out. (dig it on out, oooh!)

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haha enjoyed the videos

Love Gen's review of tools on her website. I think you should make her a guest contributor.

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